Expectations. As you hear this word in your mind, what does it conjure for you? For me, it brings up feelings that aren’t really that positive. Honestly, it just reminds me how much I fear disappointment. It’s a slippery slope, isn’t it? On one hand,...
So often we hold on to a hurt or a grudge — we just can’t let go of the anger and resentment when we have been wronged. Sometimes this is a very old wound, one from our distant past. Sometimes it is a recent hurt that just keeps nagging at our heart with...
If you’re a reader of this newsletter, it’s safe to assume you take fidelity pretty seriously. The last thing we want to fall into is an affair. But what many people don’t realize is that an emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical one,...
Yesterday, I posted this video to our Facebook page about how some couples are able to survive affairs others aren’t. The professor they interviewed hit the nail on the head: getting through infidelity, together, is all about taking responsibility. Part of that...
This weekend, I was at the Gottman Institute for PTSD and Affair Recovery. This training, in correlation with a previous training on Addiction recovery in couples therapy, is truly becoming one of the most powerful ways to help couples. As I reflect on the couples I...
When couples don’t see eye to eye, it’s easy to take offense, get defensive, shut down, put up walls, or even jump to worst case scenarios. Believe me, we all fall into one or more of these traps–even great marriages can slip into these negative...
When a couple is recovering from an affair, re-establishing trust is the key component. If you’ve been hurt by this betrayal, you are probably asking: will it ever get better? Will I ever be able to trust again? Sometimes, even in situations that weren’t...
Over the last 6 months I have been working with more and more couples who are recovering from an affair–some who had even drawn up divorce papers. It often makes me wonder about the recovery Sabrina and I went through dealing with the affair that hit us. Why...
Okay, with the word intimacy, what comes into your mind? If you are a guy, you might be thinking of your wife or girlfriend giving you that look–you know the one–that has a bit of a tease telling you that she desires you as much as you want her. Hold...
While we always love sharing our stories with you, every once in a while we come across another article we simply have to share. Bustle.com recently released a post titled “10 Habits That All Happy, Healthy Couples Have.” Every single point is spot on,...
As a counselor and a coach, Sabrina and I are often asked, “How long will these feelings of hurt last?” That’s a tough question to answer. We offer a lot of resources for just that, and we also refer many couples to BeyondAffairs.com as another great source of...
In her incredible book, “Hold Me Tight,” Sue Johnson emphasizes the need for our beloved to literally hold us tight–to cuddle often, and in doing so to consistently feel very close. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you probably already...
We all desire respect from the ones we love and anyone else we have a relationship with. In the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs, a group of men was asked the question: If you had to choose between being on a desert island by yourself, trapped, or being in a...
Today, Eric and I had the opportunity to listen to world-renowned author, speaker, researcher and therapist Dr. Daniel Seigel speak. I was thrilled; I’ve been influenced by his work since grad school and, for the last couple of years, been continually shaped by...
Freedom! That’s what we celebrate this weekend, isn’t it? But what about freedom in our relationships? Well, the very best relational freedom is not that different from the freedom our country enjoys. Certainly we are independent from the sovereignty of...
Welcome to Summer! It’s finally here: the season of good times, relaxing days, warm memories. The season of enjoying the outdoors, of picnics and wine tasting, of long drives through the country and watching the sunset so much later than before. Summer is...
Last week, we talked about whether or not happiness is a choice. Can we choose to be happy, after all? Well, when I discovered this chart by colleague Paul Smith, it seemed like the perfect follow up. Below are practical, every day things we all have the power to do...
The cold, hard fact is: Yes. Your happiness is actually your choice. I read a book by this title years ago, and often remind my clients of it. But when they hear me say it, they often look at me like I’m crazy — or insensitive. I admit, it doesn’t...
This week I’ve read two books that have proven to be pretty interrelated: Working with Emotional Intellegence by Daniel Goleman and Integrity by Henry Cloud. Both of these books are excellent reads for anyone who wants to build on their effectiveness in any...
Have you ever been frustrated that your partner just doesn’t understand your needs? Or are you perhaps on the flip side of that — does your partner often complain that you just don’t understand them? This is a common dichotomy easily explained by...
