Remember that Gottman Relationship house? Well, the very first floor of the relationship house in Gottman is something called “love mapping.” Have you heard of it? Love mapping is an intentional check-in to really make sure you know your partner deeply. It’s kind of like body mapping: If you understand how your body works, you will function more healthfully. Or take business as an example: if you understand your industry, your company will run more smoothly.
Relationships are the same way. We have to map and remap, learn and relearn, our partner: What do they love? What are they into this week? What’s happening in their life emotionally, intellectually, physically — what’s going on in their world?
Sometimes this can feel superfluous; we know someone for so long that we mistakenly assume we therefore already know them well. But ask yourself: do you know their world so well that you could write a book about them — today? Do you know the details of their thought life? You are partners. Knowing each other on a deeper level only serves to make your house stronger.
People change; never assume that you know. Get a PhD in your spouse.
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