If you’ve taken the Core Values Index, you know that we all have a primary value and a secondary value. For example, I am primarily a Merchant, the quadrant which values Love. I am secondarily an Innovator, which values Wisdom. Some people’s top two are...
“Whenever you are in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make a difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is ATTITUDE.” These wise words by William James, the famous American philosopher, are the perfect place to start...
When our first son got engaged, Eric and I started taking dance classes. At the time, our only goal was not to embarrass ourselves at our children’s weddings! But, you might not be surprised to hear, it actually transformed our relationship in some surprising...
This is a question so many couples ask us when they come to our conferences, or enter into counseling, is: “If our Core Values are so different, how can we be compatible?” But the fact of the matter is compatibility has nothing to do with whether your Core Values are...
This Ted talk speaks to a very important issue: how childhood trauma affects children throughout their lifetime. What so many people don’t understand is the damage we do to our own children when we don’t directly deal with our own issues. Whether it’s...
We’ve all heard someone say it — we might have said it ourselves at some point: “We’re perfect together. We never fight!” But when someone says that to me, it’s a big red flag. You never fight? Really? First of all, unless you’ve been dating for less than a...
The part of the brain that gets triggered by cocaine is the same place we get triggered by romantic love. The difference being, of course, that you get to come down from cocaine — but you can’t come down from romantic love too easily. As this Ted Talk explains...
Joy is defined as: 1 a : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety 2 : a state of happiness or felicity : bliss 3 : a source...
Expectations. As you hear this word in your mind, what does it conjure for you? For me, it brings up feelings that aren’t really that positive. Honestly, it just reminds me how much I fear disappointment. It’s a slippery slope, isn’t it? On one hand,...
So often we hold on to a hurt or a grudge — we just can’t let go of the anger and resentment when we have been wronged. Sometimes this is a very old wound, one from our distant past. Sometimes it is a recent hurt that just keeps nagging at our heart with...
If you’re a reader of this newsletter, it’s safe to assume you take fidelity pretty seriously. The last thing we want to fall into is an affair. But what many people don’t realize is that an emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical one,...
Yesterday, I posted this video to our Facebook page about how some couples are able to survive affairs others aren’t. The professor they interviewed hit the nail on the head: getting through infidelity, together, is all about taking responsibility. Part of that...
This weekend, I was at the Gottman Institute for PTSD and Affair Recovery. This training, in correlation with a previous training on Addiction recovery in couples therapy, is truly becoming one of the most powerful ways to help couples. As I reflect on the couples I...
When couples don’t see eye to eye, it’s easy to take offense, get defensive, shut down, put up walls, or even jump to worst case scenarios. Believe me, we all fall into one or more of these traps–even great marriages can slip into these negative...
When a couple is recovering from an affair, re-establishing trust is the key component. If you’ve been hurt by this betrayal, you are probably asking: will it ever get better? Will I ever be able to trust again? Sometimes, even in situations that weren’t...
Over the last 6 months I have been working with more and more couples who are recovering from an affair–some who had even drawn up divorce papers. It often makes me wonder about the recovery Sabrina and I went through dealing with the affair that hit us. Why...
Okay, with the word intimacy, what comes into your mind? If you are a guy, you might be thinking of your wife or girlfriend giving you that look–you know the one–that has a bit of a tease telling you that she desires you as much as you want her. Hold...
While we always love sharing our stories with you, every once in a while we come across another article we simply have to share. Bustle.com recently released a post titled “10 Habits That All Happy, Healthy Couples Have.” Every single point is spot on,...
As a counselor and a coach, Sabrina and I are often asked, “How long will these feelings of hurt last?” That’s a tough question to answer. We offer a lot of resources for just that, and we also refer many couples to BeyondAffairs.com as another great source of...
In her incredible book, “Hold Me Tight,” Sue Johnson emphasizes the need for our beloved to literally hold us tight–to cuddle often, and in doing so to consistently feel very close. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you probably already...
