When a couple is recovering from an affair, re-establishing trust is the key component. If you’ve been hurt by this betrayal, you are probably asking: will it ever get better? Will I ever be able to trust again? Sometimes, even in situations that weren’t an affair exactly–like porn addiction or substance abuse–can still feel just as devastating.
In all these cases, building trust is the key. It may seem impossible. The betrayed often feel that they have to be hyper vigilant–checking texts, emails, and Google search histories. It can be exhausting, and it can definitely feel like a fighting a losing battle as they feel as though they’re going crazy.
We can help so much with intentional reassurance the betrayed partner. Offer to be as open as possible, even sitting with them and encouraging them to check all those histories. Promise to never delete anything from any device.The betrayed partner doesn’t want to be the parent or the police, so cut them some slack and openly share your world with them. Give them a safe and secure place within your relationship to heal. Offering to go above and beyond what they expect you to do will show them you are truly done with the betrayal and ready to commit 100% to the relationship.
Understanding your partner’s need for security and safety are key. Being their safe haven will help to heal you both!