In her incredible book, “Hold Me Tight,” Sue Johnson emphasizes the need for our beloved to literally hold us tight–to cuddle often, and in doing so to consistently feel very close. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you probably already agree with this sentiment. I know I do! But perhaps you can relate to the issue I always bump up against: the practicality of making time for this.
So many things can get in the way of this deep, emotional connection. We might start out with an abundance of cuddles and intimacy, but as time goes on it’s easy to fall out of that habit. Making true love work is an ever-changing thing; so much so, in fact, that we have to constantly remake it in accordance with new needs. It’s essential to always be ready to learn (or relearn) your lover’s specific needs for connection, and what’s more–to be accountable for your own distancing or disconnection. Lasting passion only happens when we are willing and able to take responsibility and relearn it. When you decide not to run, avoid, or step back, you’re deciding in courage and love to deepen your connection with your lover. This can be difficult, but the rewards truly last a lifetime.
Think of a time when you felt distant from your partner, and how you dealt with that feeling. What shifted you out of that space? What do you need when you are feeling disconnected–and what do you think your partner needs?