Affair Recovery
If you are suffering from an affair, and trying to find your way through it, you are really up against it! Don’t go it alone. We can start your recovery work through Online Therapy right from the comfort of your home. Don’t wait. Get the help you need to move through this difficult time and on with your life. Call us today at 503-869-8108
If you are the one who has been hurt by an affair you probably feel stunned, crushed, enraged …betrayed. If you are the one who caused all that pain, you most likely feel like you are going crazy, are full of shame and confusion and can’t see a way through to the other side. When an affair is first revealed, we don’t know where to turn, who to tell or how to get the help you need. Affairs, whether they are emotional, internet-related or physical, are devastating to relationships. We are committed to helping you walk through the healing journey to recovery from this affair and make sense of why it happened in the first place. We have several ways in which we can help with this process.
We agree with the experts, (John Gottman and Sue Johnson); there are three components to affair recovery: Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment.
In the first phase, it is important for the partner who has had the affair to come clean, cut all ties with the affair partner, and take full responsibility for the actions which hurt their partner. This time is crucial and can be excruciating for everyone involved. But if you have the environment in which to be safe and authentic, with the care needed for containment of emotions and coaching on communication.
The second phase is essential to building trust again. Learning how to understand what the underlying needs of each other are, attuning to one another’s heart of hearts.
The third phase is building trust, intimacy again with one another, building a plan for re-establishing the relationship.
We recommend contacting us for a free half hour assessment to help you look at options.
We offer Couples Counseling, Couples Retreats, Couples Intensives, Couples Coaching Intake, Life Coaching and a lot of personal experience in order to bring you to a place of hope. Read about our own journey to healing here.
Relationship Recovery Protocol
Protocol for Couples wishing to work with Core Values Counseling:
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- After being assigned a therapist, fill out all the intake including taking the Core Values Index (CVI) assessment sent to you.
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Both individuals have separate 50-minute counseling appointments with their therapist to gather background history after you have completed the Gottman Online Relationship assessment. There could be a few extra individual sessions at the counselor’s recommendation.
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The couple has a 4th intake appointment where they will go over the Gottman Relationship checkup and map out a plan for future work.
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The couple will be invited to do an unpacking of the Core Values Index and create awareness of how each other is wired. This can be done a) with the therapist in session or b) an online unpacking or c) attend an enticing love conference put on by Eric and Sabrina Walters.
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Counseling appointments are held to rebuild attachment and teach attunement to each other through tools within the Gottman Method of Couples Counseling.
We offer Intensive Weekends for couples wanting to jump-start their recovery.
Affair Recovery Blog Posts
Part 3: The Last Step to Saving Your Relationship is Attachment. Here’s How to Do It
According to research from Drs. John and Julie Gottman, there are three phases a couple must work through in order to repair a major breach of trust: atone, attune, and attach. If you’ve been following along with my last few blog posts, you’ll know we’ve discussed...
Part 2: How To Heal Your Relationship After A Breach Of Trust Through Attunement
In my last post, I introduced the three phases of repair you’ll need to walk through with your partner after a major breach of trust: atone, attune, and attach. (These are based on extensive research from the Gottman Institute.) We talked about atonement in detail....
Part 1: Trust Issues? Here are 3 Ways to Repair Your Relationship After a Breach of Trust
If you and your partner have experienced a major breach of trust, there is hope for healing. Gottman Institute research shows that repairing your relationship is a three-step process: Atone, Attune, Attach. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Well, it is — and it isn’t. ...
Forgiveness: The Hardest Best Thing You Can Do For Your Relationship
Forgiveness. Seems like it should be such a simple concept, right? But what if forgiveness means letting go of years of hurt and sorrow? Is that even possible? It is a constant thread in all couples therapy. There’s a Greek word for forgiveness...
Exploring Important Areas of Connection in Your Relationship: Relational Connection
In our last blog post, we introduced the seven pillars of connection we often talk about here at Core Values Counseling. In every romantic relationship, we experience a need for connection in seven distinct areas: Emotional Connection Relational Connection Spiritual...
3 Things TV Gets Wrong About Affairs
We see affairs and their aftermath depicted on television shows and film practically every day. It’s a favorite ‘conflict’ for many shows to mine, and can present some truly inspiring storylines. However, a lot of the times — TV just gets it wrong. 1. “Once a cheater,...
Triggers After a Rupture of Trust
Whenever there has been a breach of trust in a relationship, the offended partner will experience triggers at the most unexpected and sometimes inopportune moments. "Why are you looking at your phone?" "Where are you going?" "What are you watching?" A barrage of...
Visioneering Could Save Your Relationship
Have you and your significant other ever come up against a decision that was nearly impossible to agree on — because you each have differing views of what your future could look like? This happens to almost every couple at least once in their relationship; sometimes...
What To Do When You Suspect Your Partner
As we discussed on our blog from last week, social media can provide a temptation to the best of us. But what do you do if you suspect that your partner has already made those connections? This can be a horrible feeling. But, first of all, resist the urge to try...
Refiguring Your Partner’s Identity
A lot of times when a relationship goes through a big reveal -- someone had an affair years ago, or they’re addicted to some substance -- it can feel like your partner is suddenly a completely different person. How could this person you thought you knew so well have...
Surviving An Affair Means: Taking Responsibility
Yesterday, I posted this video to our Facebook page about how some couples are able to survive affairs others aren't. The professor they interviewed hit the nail on the head: getting through infidelity, together, is all about taking responsibility. Part of that...
It’s Quite a Story
We have a story to tell. It's not easy to write, however, we know what lies deep within this story will help others hold onto hope and love. Ultimately we hope others will build a legacy for the next generation as this story has done for our family. This story is also...
Enticing Love Couples Retreat
March 25, 2016 - February 27, 2016 | Register Description: Date: Friday Feb. 19th to Saturday Feb. 20th, 2016 Schedule Friday: starting at 6pm, lasting until 9pm Saturday: 9am finishing at 5pm Have you ever wished you could see into the heart of your lover's soul, or...