I’m back this week with the third and final installment of our series on EMDR. If this form of therapy is new to you, start here. Last week, we explored what EMDR looks like in a session. Today, we’re talking about what it could mean for you and your partner if you’re in a relationship.
It’s a question I hear often: “If we’re coming to therapy as a couple, how can EMDR help?” The answer might surprise you — because while EMDR is an individual therapy, the healing it creates can ripple beautifully through a relationship.
Every person brings their own history into a relationship. Old wounds, attachment patterns, childhood experiences, and past traumas all shape how we show up with the people we love most. Sometimes, these wounds get activated in our closest relationships — especially when we feel misunderstood, rejected, or abandoned. And the tricky thing is, we often react to our partner not just from the present moment, but from a younger, hurt version of ourselves.
That’s where EMDR comes in.
When one partner begins working through past trauma or unhealed attachment wounds in EMDR, it can soften the emotional intensity in the relationship. They may become less reactive, more grounded, and better able to stay present during conflict. EMDR helps reduce the “emotional charge” of old experiences so they don’t keep hijacking the here and now.
Sometimes couples will come in together, and then we decide that individual EMDR work for one or both partners could be supportive. Other times, someone seeks EMDR on their own and finds that their relationships begin to shift as a result. I also often pair EMDR with couples therapy sessions — helping each partner understand their own triggers while building skills for connection and communication.
In cases of betrayal, high conflict, or relational trauma, EMDR can help each person process the pain in a way that makes forgiveness and forward movement possible. It’s not a magic fix, but it creates the kind of internal clarity and safety that makes external change much more accessible.
One of my favorite things about this work is watching how healing within one person can create healing within the relationship. When we understand ourselves more fully, we can offer our partners more compassion, more truth, and more love.
If you’re curious about how EMDR could support you — individually or as a couple — I’d love to talk. This kind of work is brave, and you don’t have to do it alone.
Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash
