Valentine’s Day is often loaded with high expectations — grand gestures, romantic moments, and picture-perfect celebrations. But what happens when things don’t go as planned? Maybe you forgot to make a reservation, got the wrong gift, or simply missed the mark entirely. We certainly understand that! Here in Portland, Oregon, we were snowed in on Valentine’s Day, so many of us PNW folks had to plan a do-over!
If this year’s Valentine’s Day didn’t go well, don’t panic. Every misstep is an opportunity for deeper connection and understanding. Here’s how to repair and move forward together.
1. Admit That You Messed Up
The first step in repairing a Valentine’s Day blunder is simple but crucial: acknowledge it. Avoid defensiveness or excuses. A sincere “I’m sorry” goes a long way in showing your partner that you care about their feelings and recognize their disappointment.
2. Beg for Forgiveness (With Sincerity!)
If your partner is hurt, they need to hear that you truly regret missing the mark. Apologizing isn’t about groveling — it’s about taking responsibility. Express empathy and ask what you can do to make it right.
3. Make It Up to Them (After the Fact)
Just because the holiday has passed doesn’t mean all is lost. Plan a belated romantic gesture: a heartfelt letter, a surprise date, or simply a thoughtful act of service. A meaningful effort now can be more valuable than a last-minute, obligatory gift on the day itself.
4. Be Mindful of Expectations
One of the biggest pitfalls of Valentine’s Day is the pressure to create an Instagram-worthy experience. The reality? No one has a flawless holiday. Social media only shows the highlights, not the behind-the-scenes conversations, compromises, or disappointments. If you or your partner feel let down, take a step back and recognize that unrealistic expectations may have played a role.
5. Communicate and Understand
A missed expectation can be an opportunity. When things don’t go as hoped, ask yourself: Why is this holiday so important to me? What was I really hoping for? Then, take time to hear your partner’s perspective. Maybe Valentine’s Day doesn’t hold the same weight for them. Maybe their past experiences shaped their approach to celebrating. When you listen to their story, it creates space for mutual understanding and more meaningful celebrations in the future.
6. Find the Deeper Meaning
Sometimes, our desire for a picture-perfect Valentine’s Day is about more than the holiday itself (the Gottmans call these “Dreams Within Conflict”). Maybe you long for a moment of connection because life has felt too busy. Maybe you want to model love and affection for your children in a way you didn’t see growing up. You might not even realize this until you have a real conversation about it.
When your partner hears the deeper meaning behind your expectations, they’re more likely to understand why it matters to you — and that understanding can pave the way for a more intentional approach to all your special moments together.
Moving Forward
Instead of focusing on one day, think about how you can infuse love and connection into your relationship year-round. If past disappointments are lingering, our Core Values Counseling team can help you and your partner navigate these conversations with empathy and clarity. If you’re in the Portland, Oregon area, we’d love to help. Whether through marriage therapy, depression therapy, or even neurofeedback, support is available to help you strengthen your relationship beyond a single holiday.
Valentine’s Day is just one chapter in your love story. Even if this year wasn’t perfect, the way you move forward together can be even more meaningful than the day itself.
Photo by Neil Fedorowycz on Unsplash
