In relationships, our words carry immense weight. The way we talk about our partners, whether to them or others, has a profound impact — not only on our partner but on ourselves, our relationship, and even those around us. Think of it as choosing the lens through which you view your relationship.
While research into the neurobiology of couples certainly proves the impact our actions and affection can have on our relationships, we cannot overstate the importance of the words we choose when speaking about our partner.
When we speak positively, we’re fostering what the Gottman Institute calls positive sentiment override. (It’s also foundational to The Positive Perspective, part of the Gottmans’ Sound Relationship House.) This outlook sets a foundational tone for your partnership, one that nurtures warmth, trust, and respect. It’s not just a nice idea; it’s genuinely beneficial for both of you.
What Is Positive Sentiment Override?
Positive Sentiment Override is a concept that contrasts with negative sentiment override, where we see our partner through a more critical lens. When we’re in a positive mindset, it becomes easier to give our partner the benefit of the doubt, see their actions with a sense of appreciation, and focus on what we value in them. This mental shift reduces the chances of small issues turning into major conflicts and makes space for a happier, more resilient partnership.
The act of speaking well about your partner — even during casual conversations with friends or family — can actually reinforce that positive sentiment in your mind. When you verbalize your appreciation, admiration, or affection, it strengthens the bond you share and boosts your own sense of gratitude for them. It’s a beautiful cycle: the more you recognize and express the positives, the more positives you’re likely to notice.
Why Speaking Positively Reflects Well on You
Interestingly, when you express positive feelings about your partner, it doesn’t just benefit your relationship — it also reflects well on you. People tend to be inspired by those who speak kindly and respectfully about their significant others, which can increase admiration and respect from those around you. It sends a message that you value your partner and prioritize their role in your life, which is a trait many people admire. It’s a subtle, but powerful way of building trust and strengthening your relationship.
Creating a Trusting and Respectful Environment
Consistently speaking positively about your partner also helps create an atmosphere of trust and respect in your relationship. It becomes a mutual expectation: you know that, whether you’re together or apart, each of you is representing your partnership with love and respect. When your partner knows you are speaking kindly about them, it reinforces their sense of security in the relationship, encouraging them to do the same. This environment of trust and respect fosters deeper intimacy and strengthens your emotional connection.
Making Positive Language a Habit
It’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day annoyances, but building a habit of speaking positively about your partner can help you stay focused on the qualities that made you fall in love with them in the first place. Take small steps: express gratitude for small gestures, compliment them in front of others, and make a point of highlighting their strengths, even if it’s just a simple “I’m proud of you” or “I love how thoughtful you are.” By making positive language a regular part of your relationship, you’re setting a powerful standard for how you communicate and connect.
In a world that can sometimes lean into the negative, choosing to speak positively about your partner is a refreshing reminder of the joy and strength you bring to each other’s lives.
Photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash
