Three Practical Steps to Reconnect and Realign
In Part 1 of this series, we explored what can happen when one partner has gone through a season of personal growth — and the other hasn’t. It’s more common than you might think, especially in long-term relationships. Sometimes one of you reads all the books, goes to therapy, dives into a new spiritual or intellectual path…while the other is in a different rhythm altogether.
The good news? You don’t have to be on the exact same path to have a strong and meaningful connection. But it does take some intention, curiosity, and kindness to realign. Here are three practical steps to help you bridge the gap and grow forward — together.
1. Name What You’re Feeling — Without Judgment
Start by naming your experience of the gap. This isn’t about pointing fingers or labeling your partner as “behind.” It’s about gently expressing how you feel in the relationship and where you’d love to feel more connected.
You might say: “Lately I’ve been feeling like we’re not quite on the same page, and I miss the kind of conversations we used to have.”
Or: “I’ve been doing a lot of personal reflection, and I’d love to share that with you — but I’m not sure how it’s landing on your end.”
This softened start-up opens the door for connection without putting your partner on the defensive.
2. Ask for What You Need (With Specifics!)
It’s okay to want your partner to join you in your growth — but invite them in with joy, not judgment. Be specific about what you’re hoping for. Is it a weekend away to talk more deeply? Reading a book together? Going to couples counseling?
For example: “I’d love to spend a Saturday morning talking about what we’ve both been learning this year. Would you be willing to read two chapters of this book so we can talk through it together?”
This kind of ask is vulnerable, yes — but also powerful! It says, “I value us enough to want to keep growing, and I want to do that with you.”
3. Make a Plan to Reconnect — And Make It Fun
Growth conversations don’t have to be heavy or formal. Sometimes what’s most needed is to step out of the daily routine. Take a night away. Try a new experience together. Be playful. When both of you feel safe and seen, even the harder conversations become easier.
My husband and I recently took a one-night trip to McMenamins to reconnect — not just about logistics or family, but about where we’re each headed. And while I don’t always feel eager to dive into his research projects, I know that when we make time for each other’s dreams, we stay connected in deeper ways. So guess what? I dove into that research project with him!
That’s really what it’s about: not control or matching timelines, but shared meaning. A relationship with space for both people to evolve.
Looking for more support navigating this stage of your relationship? Whether you’re seeking marriage therapy, depression therapy, or tools like neurofeedback, our Portland, Oregon area team at Core Values Counseling is here to walk with you — wherever you are on your journey.
Photo by Sam Barber on Unsplash
