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Valentine’s Day can be a source of joy — or stress — for couples. Over the years, Eric and I have experienced both. We’ve had our share of Valentine’s Days where mismatched expectations or a lack of planning led to disappointment. If you want to make this holiday meaningful and enjoyable, the secret lies in communication and shared intention.

 

Start with a Conversation

 

The key to a successful Valentine’s Day is talking with your partner ahead of time. Discuss your hopes and expectations for the day. What does Valentine’s Day mean to each of you? Is it an important ritual, or is it just another Tuesday? By sharing your thoughts, you can create a plan that reflects both of your needs and avoids unnecessary misunderstandings.

 

For example, one partner might envision a grand, romantic evening, while the other is perfectly content with a quiet night at home. Without discussing this, you might be setting yourselves up for disappointment. Instead, ask each other:

 

  • How do we want to celebrate this year?
  • What would make this day special for both of us?
  • What roles will we each play in creating the day we want?

 

This conversation isn’t about compromise; it’s about collaboration — building a day that feels meaningful for both of you.

 

Balance Family and Romance

 

If you have kids, Valentine’s Day often becomes more about them than about your relationship. That’s okay! Including your kids in your celebration can be a wonderful way to show them love and model the importance of thoughtful gestures. When our boys were little, I loved surprising them with a special Valentine’s breakfast, complete with little gifts at their place settings. It was a simple tradition that made the morning magical.

 

But don’t let the focus on your kids overshadow your relationship. Whether it’s a date night after bedtime, a lunch break just for the two of you, or even scheduling your celebration for another day, make sure to prioritize time as a couple. After all, your connection is the foundation of your family.

 

Get Creative and Plan Ahead

 

Valentine’s Day falls on a weekend this year — what a perfect excuse to plan something special! If you’ve been dreaming of a getaway, now’s your chance. Or maybe you’d prefer a cozy day at home, free from distractions. Or perhaps consider our next Art and Science of Love workshop on February 15 and 16, 2025! (You can learn more about deepening your connection with this Gottman-designed workshop here.) Whatever you choose, don’t leave it to the last minute. A little planning goes a long way in avoiding unnecessary stress.

 

A Ritual of Connection

 

Ultimately, Valentine’s Day isn’t about the flowers, chocolates, or elaborate plans. It’s about connection. When you take the time to communicate, collaborate, and show up for each other, you’re building shared meaning in your relationship. This isn’t just a one-day event — it’s part of the ongoing work of creating a strong, thriving partnership.

 

Whether you’re planning a romantic dinner, a family breakfast, or something in between, make this Valentine’s Day a celebration of your unique connection. And remember: Your partner can’t read your mind, so don’t be afraid to speak up about what you hope for.

 

If you find it challenging to navigate these conversations or manage expectations, couples therapy can help. Whether you’re looking for couples therapy in the Portland, Oregon area, or simply tools for deeper connection, we’d love to support you. Contact the Core Values Counseling team today to get started.

 

This Valentine’s Day, let’s turn towards one another and make it a day to remember. 

 

 

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash