Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been digging into a three-post blog series on self-care. And no, we’re not talking bubble baths, essential oils, and booking an appointment with your hair stylist (though, by all means, you should do those things for yourself,...
One of the hardest parts about getting self-care right is that it is so intricately tied to our personality and our core values. As a high Merchant — based in love and truth and connections with people and connecting people with other people — my mind is...
It seems like self-care has been one of the buzziest words of the last decade. And while it doesn’t take much to convince most folks of why self-care is important, there’s still a lot of misunderstanding around what self-care actually means (and what it doesn’t) and...
Welcome to a brand-new year. While I won’t be pitching any resolutions or quick fixes to jump-start your 2024, I would like to invite you and your partner to explore your dreams and goals — and not just for this year but for the long haul. Years ago, I encountered an...
I LOVE Christmas and the holiday season! I do! However, for many years, all of the weight of the holidays seemed to land on me, the daughter, mom, wife — and now grandmother. (In case you missed it, all the roles women play really do add up.) While I’ve learned to...
According to research from Drs. John and Julie Gottman, there are three phases a couple must work through in order to repair a major breach of trust: atone, attune, and attach. If you’ve been following along with my last few blog posts, you’ll know we’ve discussed...
In my last post, I introduced the three phases of repair you’ll need to walk through with your partner after a major breach of trust: atone, attune, and attach. (These are based on extensive research from the Gottman Institute.) We talked about atonement in detail....
If you and your partner have experienced a major breach of trust, there is hope for healing. Gottman Institute research shows that repairing your relationship is a three-step process: Atone, Attune, Attach. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Well, it is — and it isn’t. ...
I am convinced that kindness and gratitude are integrally linked. We often don’t even think about kindness, but often we are unkind, especially to the ones we love most. Why is that? Why do we take for granted the love of the one person dearest to us? I think it is...
In counseling — and in life, in general! — we talk a lot about emotions. But have you ever considered why you engage with and process your emotions (or don’t) the way you do? Lately, in my practice, I have become increasingly aware of how important it is to understand...
When working on our interpersonal relationships, especially our relationship with our spouse, it’s important to understand how the synapses in our brain help us feel heard, seen, and held. Empathy is a critical piece of the puzzle here. And it’s key to understanding...
In my last blog post, I shared some suggestions for different ways to gather with family. We talked about reframing how you think about family gatherings and what they look like for your unique family. Sometimes, a little change is called for to make everyone’s lives...
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve shared some tips for how to prepare your heart and mind for the approaching holiday season — and all the gathering that comes along with it. We talked about the importance of setting expectations, as well as how to embrace the gift...
The holiday season is nearly upon us. And with it, gathering. In my last post, I shared about how important it is to set expectations (LMFT Kati Morton has a great video on how to do just that, by the way). In tandem with setting expectations, it’s important to also...
Gathering. There are so many ways we do this all year long, with our friends, our extended family, and our partners. We gather for events big and small, but regardless of size, the best gatherings have one thing in common: everyone is on the same page about...
In our last post, we talked about forgiveness and why it’s so important to make it a regular part of your relationship, both with your partner and with the other important people in your life. But we know that forgiveness is easier said than done. For a...
Forgiveness. Seems like it should be such a simple concept, right? But what if forgiveness means letting go of years of hurt and sorrow? Is that even possible? It is a constant thread in all couples therapy. There’s a Greek word for forgiveness...
In a recent blog post, we shared an overview of how to understand gridlock (and make it better). We followed that up by sharing two real-world examples of gridlock from our own practice. Today, we’re taking a closer look at what the Gottmans call dreams within...
In our last blog post, we introduced a tough subject: Understanding Gridlock — And How You Can Make It Better. Gridlock is all too common in romantic relationships. After all, 69% of problems in these relationships are what the Gottmans call “perpetual problems,” so...
If you’re familiar with some of the Gottman Institute concepts (and if you’ve been around Core Values Counseling for any length of time), you’ve probably heard us mention gridlock. According to the Gottmans, “almost all gridlocked conflicts stem from...
