Recently, I shared with you some gentle parenting tips for an easier start to the school year, focusing on attachment and transitions, as well as rituals and emotions. While these tools can be helpful, there’s almost no getting around the elephant in the room: today’s kids are anxious, and sooner or later, you’ll probably need to help your own children navigate their anxieties, too.
Children today face anxiety in ways many of us never did growing up. With the rise of the 24/7 news cycle, endless media exposure, and most recently, the global pandemic, the pressure on kids has skyrocketed. In fact, it’s no surprise that today’s children experience exponentially more anxiety than previous generations. But why is this happening, and how can parents help?
The Roots of Childhood Anxiety
One contributing factor to this rise in anxiety is constant media exposure. Think back to 9/11, when many children saw repeated footage of the Twin Towers being hit. For young minds, especially those without a strong understanding of time permanence, these images seemed like a continuous event. This constant replay was wired into their brains, fostering fear and anxiety. Fast forward to the COVID-19 pandemic, and children’s routines were entirely upended — school closures, social isolation, and uncertainty replaced the familiar structures they relied on. This environment bred anxiety, especially as they had to quickly adapt to a world filled with fear of illness and death.
Even without a pandemic, children naturally go through stages of anxiety, especially during times of development. Between the ages of 8 and 10, for example, kids become much more aware of concepts like death and dying. Now imagine living through a pandemic during that phase — it’s no wonder anxiety levels are high. Recognizing these phases can help parents approach their child’s anxieties with understanding.
How to Support an Anxious Child
So, how can parents help? The first step is to recognize that some anxiety is a normal part of growing up. Not every anxious child will remain anxious forever. However, if a child’s anxiety is severe or persists for more than six months — particularly if it interferes with their ability to attend school or engage in social situations — it might be time to seek professional help. Some children may even develop panic disorders, experiencing overwhelming physical symptoms like rapid heartbeats, sweating, or a sense of impending doom without a clear cause.
As a parent, one of the most important things you can do is foster open communication. Be a safe space where your child feels they can express their feelings without judgment. It’s crucial to validate their emotions, even if those fears don’t make sense to you. Empathy and compassion go a long way in making your child feel heard and supported.
Practical Steps for Reducing Anxiety
In addition to emotional support, there are practical ways to reduce anxiety. Start by setting clear, realistic expectations for your child. While anxiety might not disappear overnight, small steps like going to school each day or calling you during lunch can help them regain control. It’s also essential to limit screen time and monitor social media closely as studies have shown strong links between unchecked screen exposure and rising rates of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Jonathan Haidt digs into this exact topic in his bestselling book, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. As kids get older and begin to use technology and social media — and disconnect from the natural world and real friendships around them — we see a huge uptick in anxiety. I’ll have more to share on this in the future, but in the meantime, this book is a great resource.
Finally, teaching coping skills is key. Meditation, deep breathing exercises, and physical activity can help your child manage their stress. There are many apps available, such as Calm and Headspace, which offer guided meditations and stories specifically designed for children. Regular physical activity, whether it’s a nightly walk, yoga, or team sports, also helps to manage stress levels. Additionally, creating opportunities for casual social contact — like walking to school or joining a “bike bus” — can foster a sense of community and reduce isolation. (If you’re in the Portland, Oregon area and have school-age kids, check out the amazing Bike Bus PDX — I’m a new fan!)
When to Seek Help
If your child’s anxiety begins to impede their daily life, it may be time to consult a professional. Play therapy or counseling can be beneficial, but it’s important to choose a therapist who will involve you in the process. You are your child’s greatest source of comfort and change, and no therapist can replace the role you play in their life.
Helping your child navigate anxiety is not easy, but with empathy, communication, and the right tools, you can support them through these challenges and help them develop lifelong coping skills.
Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash
