This one is for the grandparents, especially the newly minted ones. Buckle up. Because the holidays are here, and we all know that means more time with our beloved families.
Becoming a grandparent is a joyful and transformative experience. But with the joy comes a delicate transition — not just for you, but for your children, who are now stepping into their roles as parents. This new dynamic requires mindfulness and respect for boundaries, setting the foundation for a supportive family environment.
This is true at all times, of course, but it’s especially important during the holiday season to strike the right balance. Integrating into your extended family in a way that is helpful and positive takes effort (and frankly, it might look different than you expect — or unlike what’s been demonstrated by your own elders). After all, grandparents should be like a good wine, adding to the depth and enjoyment of a gathering, not taking away from it.
(Side note: I’ve written quite a lot about how to navigate the holidays with family. You can read more about how to gather differently with family here and here. And this post about sharing the holiday mental load with your partner is essential reading.)
Below are a few suggestions to help you add to your family time together and build memories that everyone in your family can cherish.
Remember: It’s Their Child, Too
As grandparents, it’s natural to feel immense love for this new addition to the family. However, it’s important to acknowledge that your grandchild is primarily your child’s child.
Early on, resist the urge to say, “How’s our baby?” or to take over.
Instead, focus on supporting your children as they navigate parenthood. Over time, as trust builds and boundaries are established, a collaborative dynamic may naturally evolve.
Support Over Advice
One of the most challenging but essential roles of a grandparent is offering support without unsolicited advice. Even when you’re tempted to share your experiences or “correct” their methods, remember that parenting has evolved. Unless they specifically ask for your guidance, trust that your children are capable of making the right decisions for their family.
My own mother-in-law embodied this approach beautifully. When I sought advice, she’d gently reflect back, “What does your gut tell you?” It was frustrating at times, but it empowered me to trust my own instincts.
Flexible and Respectful Support
Your offer to help should be genuine and without strings attached. New parents often need space, especially in the “fourth trimester” when they’re adjusting to their new reality.
Respect their need for privacy, and understand that a “no” isn’t a rejection — it’s a momentary boundary.
Ask open questions like, “What would be helpful for you?” or “How often should I offer help?” Your children might not know what they need right away, so patience is key.
Building a New Bond
Remember, this phase is also an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your children in a new context.
Avoid taking sides in disagreements, especially between your child and their partner. Neutrality fosters trust and shows that your commitment to the grandchild is a commitment to the family unit.
Celebrate their efforts, acknowledge their challenges, and affirm their capabilities — they need to hear they’re doing their best.
Grandparenthood is a beautiful journey when approached with humility, patience, and an open heart. By honoring your children’s roles and needs, you’re not just building bonds with a grandchild; you’re reinforcing the family foundation for generations to come.
Here’s to a wonderful holiday season with your family. Now, go enjoy the heck out of being a grandparent!
Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash
