In Part 1 of this series, we explored what it means to love a parent who may not be able to meet your emotional needs. Now, we’re turning our attention to parenting your own children while navigating that same dynamic.
This can be one of the most emotionally complex roles to hold: to be both a child of a strained parent-child relationship and a parent trying to break generational cycles. The tension is real — and so is the courage it takes to parent with intention.
Sometimes, the conflict between generations spills over. Maybe your parent undermines your authority, contradicts your rules, or expresses disapproval in subtle (or not-so-subtle) ways. Maybe your child picks up on the emotional disconnect and asks questions you’re not sure how to answer. Maybe you’re just trying to stay regulated when you’re around your parent — let alone model healthy boundaries and secure attachment.
The most important thing you can do in these moments is pause. Take a breath. Remember that your responsibility is not to manage your parent’s reactions, but to create emotional safety for your child. That starts with emotional safety for yourself. You can’t do that when you’re running on fumes.
Put your own oxygen mask on first. If you need to limit contact, take a break, or debrief with a partner or therapist after a hard visit, do it. Your well-being matters, and your children are watching. They’re learning from you what self-respect looks like — and what it means to navigate tough family dynamics with clarity and compassion.
You don’t need to vilify your parent to be honest about what’s happening. You can say things like, “Grandma has a hard time understanding certain feelings, but you can always talk to me.” Or, “I know that wasn’t okay. You’re safe, and I’ll make sure we’re around people who treat you with kindness.”
You’re modeling emotional regulation with compassion and grace — acknowledging the impact of unhealthy dynamics without letting resentment take over. You’re choosing honesty over silence, connection over confusion.
This isn’t easy. But every time you set a boundary, affirm your child’s experience, or respond with presence instead of reactivity, you’re doing powerful healing work.
In the final post of this series, we’ll talk about grieving the parent you wish you had — and what it looks like to move forward with acceptance and peace.
If you’re working to untangle old pain while raising your own family, you don’t have to do it alone. Whether you’re seeking parenting support, therapy for anxiety or depression, or trauma counseling, we’re here to walk with you.
Photo by Bill Fairs on Unsplash
