Today, we’re wrapping up a four-part series on affair recovery. We’ve discussed the first two stages of The Gottman’s Trust Revival Method: Atonement and Attunement. The final stage, Attachment, is just as critical as the first two. Let’s jump in.
The final stage of affair recovery, Attachment, is where couples begin to feel truly connected again. The intense emotions of the earlier phases have settled, and both partners are able to give and receive love in a new way. This stage is not just about repairing damage — it’s about creating a healthier, more fulfilling relationship than ever before.
At this point, the involved partner has demonstrated consistent trustworthiness. They have followed through on commitments, offered ongoing reassurance, and shown their hurt partner that they are in this for the long haul. The hurt partner, in turn, has begun to heal — no longer constantly questioning their partner’s loyalty, but instead feeling secure in their commitment.
In many cases, couples emerge from affair recovery with a deeper emotional and physical intimacy than they had before. Conversations are more open, needs are expressed clearly, and there is a renewed sense of partnership. Many couples also find that their physical intimacy improves — not just as a means of reclaiming the relationship, but because they now share a stronger emotional bond.
To maintain this connection, couples must continue the work: checking in regularly, being mindful of each other’s emotional needs, and prioritizing quality time together.
Attending ongoing couple’s therapy or marriage counseling can help keep the relationship strong and ensure that old patterns don’t resurface. If you’re in the Portland, Oregon area and would like guidance as you navigate these challenging times, we’re here for you, and we’d love to help.
Healing from an affair is an arduous journey, but for those who commit to the process, it can lead to something truly beautiful — a relationship built on deep understanding, resilience, and renewed love. If you and your partner are struggling, know that there’s hope! And help is available. With guidance, patience, and trust, you can create a new, stronger relationship together.
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