Earlier this year, my husband, Eric, and I set out on a practical yet super fun relationship adventure and shared firsthand our experience working through one of my favorite books. In Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, John Gottman, PhD, Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, offer couples a roadmap to deepen their connection and address critical aspects of their relationship through meaningful conversations. The book lays out eight distinct date nights, each designed to tackle fundamental topics that impact relationship satisfaction and longevity.
If you missed it the first time around — or if you’d like to take a deeper dive into what we’ve already covered — I’m here to offer a recap of our experience! (And let me tell you, this journey through the Eight Dates was more powerful and meaningful than either Eric or I could have ever expected!)
Follow the links below to read more detailed explorations of each date and/or watch the accompanying video (bonus: you can even just listen to these as you wash the dishes or putter in the garden).
Enjoy!
The Eight Dates in action
We kicked things off with an introduction on what to expect from this nine-part blog series. And here’s a recap of each date and the pivotal discussions on which they centered:
1. Lean on Me: Trust and Commitment
The first date focuses on fostering trust and commitment. Couples are encouraged to explore how they support each other in times of need and discuss their expectations for mutual reliance. This conversation helps partners understand their roles in each other’s lives, ensuring they feel secure and valued. By openly discussing their commitment levels and the ways they show trust, couples can strengthen their bond and reinforce their relationship’s foundation.
2. Agree to Disagree: Addressing Conflict
This date centers around managing conflict effectively. Couples are guided to confront their differing opinions and disagreements in a constructive manner. The goal is to develop strategies for resolving conflicts without escalating them, ensuring that both partners feel heard and respected. By learning to navigate disagreements with empathy and understanding, couples can enhance their ability to work through challenges together, fostering a more harmonious relationship.
3. Let’s Get It On: Sex and Intimacy
In this conversation, we explore sex and intimacy, with an emphasis on open communication about desires, needs, and expectations. Couples discuss their sexual relationship, addressing any issues and exploring ways to enhance their physical and emotional connection. This dialogue helps partners understand each other’s intimacy needs and find ways to maintain a satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationship.
4. The Cost of Love: Work and Money
This date addresses financial issues and their impact on the relationship. Couples are encouraged to discuss their attitudes towards money, budgeting, and financial goals. By aligning their financial values and plans, partners can avoid misunderstandings and conflicts related to money, ensuring that their financial situation supports their relationship rather than creating stress.
5. Room to Grow: Family
The focus of this date is on family dynamics and personal growth. Couples explore their expectations regarding family involvement and how they can support each other’s personal development. This discussion helps partners understand each other’s family values and goals, promoting a supportive environment for individual growth and strengthening their partnership.
6. Play with Me: Fun and Adventure
Fun and adventure are the themes of this date, encouraging couples to explore ways to inject excitement and joy into their relationship. By discussing shared interests and activities, partners can find new ways to enjoy each other’s company and keep their relationship vibrant. This conversation aims to enhance the enjoyment and spontaneity within the relationship, fostering a sense of playfulness and adventure.
7. Something to Believe In: Growth and Spirituality
This date delves into the role of spirituality and personal growth in the relationship. Couples discuss their beliefs and values, exploring how these influence their relationship and personal lives. By understanding each other’s spiritual and growth-oriented perspectives, partners can support each other’s personal journeys and find common ground — and shared meaning — in their shared values.
8. A Lifetime of Love: Dreams and Goals
The final date focuses on envisioning the future together. Couples discuss their dreams, aspirations, and long-term goals, aligning their visions for the future. This conversation helps partners set shared goals and work towards a common future, reinforcing their commitment to each other and ensuring that their relationship evolves in harmony with their life plans.
Try it for yourself
Let me reiterate that going through these dates with my own partner was more powerful and enlightening than either of us expected. These truly are transformative conversations. You’ll learn new things about one another, revisit fond memories, and have the chance to remind each other what your love is really built upon, even if, like us, you’ve been together for decades.
By engaging in these eight essential conversations, couples really can strengthen their relationship, enhance communication, and build a solid foundation for a lifetime of love and partnership.
Don’t wait. Jump right in and join us in trying the Eight Dates today! You’ll be so glad you did.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
