For many people, Christmas slowly turns into a machine.
The lists grow longer. The expectations get louder. The pressure to make everything magical — for kids, partners, parents, extended family — starts weeks before December even arrives. Somewhere along the way, the season that’s meant to feel meaningful begins to feel exhausting.
If this resonates, you’re not doing Christmas “wrong.” You’re likely just listening to a very hardworking part of you.
In therapy, we often talk about parts — different aspects of ourselves that step in to help us feel safe, loved, or worthy. Around the holidays, there’s often a part that believes: If I do enough — enough gifts, enough traditions, enough effort — everyone will feel loved.
That part usually has good intentions. It wants connection. It wants closeness. It wants reassurance that the people you care about will be okay — and that you will be okay, too.
But that part can also get overwhelmed.
One of the most compassionate things you can do this season is gently reassure yourself: Even if I don’t do this perfectly… it’s going to be okay. The people who love you would still feel loved without the gifts, the decorations, or the over-the-top plans.
So here’s a grounding question to reflect on this Christmas:
What is the thing that actually makes Christmas feel like Christmas to you?
Maybe it’s something tangible — your grandmother’s fruitcake, cornbread fresh from the oven, or a familiar song that instantly brings you back. Maybe it’s not a “thing” at all. Maybe it’s time together. Quiet closeness. A candlelit church service. Laughter around a table. Feeling unhurried and present.
When we focus on the feelings of Christmas — warmth, connection, reverence, playfulness — rather than the stuff, something shifts. The season becomes less about performance and more about intention.
I’ll never forget one Christmas that captured this perfectly. It was the year our son was born. We drove to a small mountain cabin in eastern Oregon and spent Christmas there. We intentionally didn’t focus on gifts. At midnight, we held a simple service by the fireplace. We played games, ate good food, and spent our days playing in the snow.
It was the least expensive Christmas we’ve ever had — and by far the most magical.
Before we went, I had written out what my ideal Christmas would feel like. And somehow, by letting go of expectations, that’s exactly what unfolded.
This season, you don’t need to unplug Christmas entirely. But you might consider loosening your grip on the machine.
Ask yourself:
- What can I simplify?
- What part of me is trying to make everything perfect — and what does it need to hear?
- What truly matters to me about this season?
Sometimes, the greatest gift we give — to ourselves and to others — is permission to slow down and be present.
And that’s more than enough.
*Featured Photo by Thalia Ruiz on Unsplash
Core Values Counseling Staff and Family
As the year comes to a close, we want to take a moment to say thank you for being part of our community. Your support and trust mean so much to us, and we’re truly grateful to have you with us.
We hope this holiday season brings you joy, rest, and time to celebrate with the people who matter most to you. Looking ahead to the new year, we’re excited to continue serving you.
Wishing you happy holidays and a bright New Year from the Core Values Counseling team!
