No one goes into a marriage relationship with the desire to hurt one another or believe this is a trial relationship. When we begin a relationship, we commit to growing together, to dream of what can be and try our hardest to please each other just like when we first started dating. But we all carry baggage from our past and have unmet expectations that we didn’t even know we had. We heap expectations on the other person which they can’t begin to fulfill, usually because we don’t communicate or even consciously know about. It is time to step off the crazy cycle, as Emerson Eggerichs would say, and just admit you don’t feel loved or respected. Questions genuinely asked like, “What have I done to make you feel unloved or not respected?” go a long way in rebuilding trust and connection. As we take partial ownership of this conflict we can begin to move in a positive direction.
Couple’s Counseling Protocol
Protocol for Couples wishing to work with Core Values Counseling.
- Couples take CVC Relational Assessment Free and take the full version of the Core Values Index (CVI). Please complete the intake forms sent to you via our EHR before your first appointment.
- First Appointment: Intake with the therapist for a 1.5-hour session.
- Couples take Gottman Assessment (by email invitation from your therapist).
- Both individuals have separate 1-hour counseling appointments with their therapist to gather background history after you have completed the Gottman Online Relationship assessment.
- The couple has a 4th appointment with both the therapist, in which we go over the Gottman Relationship checkup and map out a plan for future work.
- The couple will be invited to do an unpacking of the Core Values Index and create awareness of how each other is wired.
- Counseling appointments are held to rebuild attachment, teach attunement to each other through the Gottman Couples Method and Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT).
- Coaching appointments with other team members are optional to work on present and future attuning to spouse and children as needed. Other topics may include finances and creating more enjoyment in your relationship.
- Conferences are attended by the couple over the next year to continue to practice the skills learned in therapy and deepen re-attachment. The retreats are as follows: A) Enticing Love; to move into a deeper understanding of each other and developing a vision for their lives and marriage. B) Enticing Intimacy; explores your conflict strategies with practice shifting your (CVI) core to communicate at a more intimate level. You will also look at all areas of your lives, and share your dreams for the future, developing ways to foster your growth.
- Couples will also be highly encouraged to attend an Equine-assisted Therapy session as a couple which we do in Newberg, Oregon on Saturdays.
Insurance and Cost information:
Because we have varying experience levels with our therapists, we do have variable costs for couples therapy. Please discuss this with the scheduler or your therapist.
Insurance typically doesn’t cover couples therapy. If one person has a diagnosis, insurance can be billed for part of the sessions, however, using the best practice of Gottman Couples Method Therapy we always do 1.5-hour sessions when working with couples. Whether or not you use insurance you will be responsible for the extra 30 min required to do Gottman Couples Therapy.
We offer Intensive Weekend Sessions for couples wanting to jump-start their recovery.