August 17, 2017

Couples Counseling

No one goes into a marriage relationship with the desire to hurt one another or believe this is a trial relationship. When we begin a relationship, we commit to growing together, to dream of what can be and try our hardest to please each other just like when we first started dating. But we all carry baggage from our past and have unmet expectations that we didn’t even know we had. We heap expectations on the other person which they can’t begin to fulfill, usually because we don’t communicate or even consciously know about. It is time to step off the crazy cycle, as Emerson Eggerichs would say, and just admit you don’t feel loved or respected. Questions genuinely asked like, “What have I done to make you feel unloved or not respected?” go a long way in rebuilding trust and connection. As we take partial ownership of this conflict we can begin to move in a positive direction.

Couple’s Counseling Protocol

Our hope is to give you the best help possible. We at Core Values Couples believe your relationship is worth a great deal. Especially if you are in a rut of relational despair, your relationship is worth the time, effort and financial support it needs to improve. Healing takes work and commitment. Many couples don’t understand this until it is too late. We have a protocol we believe will transform your relationship. We are upfront with you. Each step is vital, and it will take a considerable amount of time to complete. We hope you will embark on the journey of healing to rebuild your relationship and expect the best future possible.

Protocol for Couples wishing to work with Core Values Counseling.

  1. Couples take CVC Relational Assessment Free and take the full version of the Core Values Index (CVI).  Please complete the intake forms sent to you via our EHR before your first appointment.
  2. First Appointment: Intake with the therapist for a 1.5-hour session.
  3. Couples take Gottman Assessment (by email invitation from your therapist).
  4. Both individuals have separate 1-hour counseling appointments with their therapist to gather background history after you have completed the Gottman Online Relationship assessment.
  5. The couple has a 4th appointment with both the therapist, in which we go over the Gottman Relationship checkup and map out a plan for future work.
  6. The couple will be invited to do an unpacking of the Core Values Index and create awareness of how each other is wired.
  7. Counseling appointments are held to rebuild attachment, teach attunement to each other through the Gottman Couples Method and Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT).
  8. Coaching appointments with other team members are optional to work on present and future attuning to spouse and children as needed. Other topics may include finances and creating more enjoyment in your relationship.
  9. Conferences are attended by the couple over the next year to continue to practice the skills learned in therapy and deepen re-attachment. The retreats are as follows:  A) Enticing Love; to move into a deeper understanding of each other and developing a vision for their lives and marriage. B) Enticing Intimacy; explores your conflict strategies with practice shifting your (CVI) core to communicate at a more intimate level. You will also look at all areas of your lives, and share your dreams for the future, developing ways to foster your growth.
  10. Couples will also be highly encouraged to attend an Equine-assisted Therapy session as a couple which we do in Newberg, Oregon on Saturdays.

Insurance and Cost information:

Because we have varying experience levels with our therapists, we do have variable costs for couples therapy. Please discuss this with the scheduler or your therapist.

Insurance typically doesn’t cover couples therapy. If one person has a diagnosis, insurance can be billed for part of the sessions, however, using the best practice of Gottman Couples Method Therapy we always do 1.5-hour sessions when working with couples. Whether or not you use insurance you will be responsible for the extra 30 min required to do Gottman Couples Therapy.


            We offer Intensive Weekend Sessions for couples wanting to jump-start their recovery.



Couples Retreats


Couples Articles

Don’t fight it (12/3/2019) - Have you ever heard your partner say, “I just wish I could figure this out!” Or perhaps, “Why am I so stressed all the time?!” Maybe it’s more like, “I shouldn’t be this irritated.” It’s all different versions of the same thing: I shouldn’t feel this way! It’s often understandable for someone to say that. Read more about Don’t fight it[…]
Income Is A Joint Effort (8/6/2019) - Finances is one of the trickiest topics, especially for married couples. It’s one of the most common points of tension and arguments, and can cause everything from jealousy, to entitlement, to general stress. But it can also be the cause of a lot of pressure, as one or both partners increasingly feel the need to Read more about Income Is A Joint Effort[…]
The Art of Compromise (For When You Keep Having THAT Fight) (7/17/2019) - One of the essential elements of the Gottman Theory is the importance of finding a new way to talk about old problems. Their research shows that nearly 70% of all problems in any relationship are perpetual. That’s right — the argument you had the first year of marriage will probably be the one you’re having Read more about The Art of Compromise (For When You Keep Having THAT Fight)[…]
The 7 Hardest Words (5/1/2019) - I once heard that there are 7 words in English that are hardest to say — but have the greatest payoff. Those words are: I’m sorry. Forgive me. I love you. Why is it so hard to say those words? When you’ve been in an argument and maybe did or said things that you regret — Read more about The 7 Hardest Words[…]
Talking To “The Child” (2/20/2019) - Sometimes, the benefit of counseling is that a third party can see what you and your partner simply can’t. Sometimes, when I’m in a session, and I look at two hurting and angry adults — I try to see them as little children. They’re hurting, after all, and even as adults, they need what every Read more about Talking To “The Child”[…]
Contempt: The Deadliest of the Four Horsemen (2/5/2019) - When things have really deteriorated in your relationship, a peculiar phenomenon can occur. You start to reside in what’s known as ‘negative sentiment override,’ which basically means you start to believe that your partner only thinks negatively of you. You believe that whatever they say is tinged with contempt of you — and you return that contempt in kind. The Gottmans have discovered Read more about Contempt: The Deadliest of the Four Horsemen[…]
How to Talk About Polarizing Topics with Your Partner (2/5/2019) - Sometimes, when we are incredibly passionate about a particular topic, it feels like life or death if our partner doesn’t agree. How can we have a positive interaction with a loved one when we disagree so firmly on an important issue? The greatest and most important challenge here is separating the topic from the person you’re talking to. It’s easy Read more about How to Talk About Polarizing Topics with Your Partner[…]
When Your Partner Gets A New Job (2/5/2019) - The holidays and the new year bring lots of chances for reflection — and lots of opportunities for change. One of the biggest changes we experience? A job change. And facing one during this time of year can be tough. If you or your partner started a new job this year, the new rhythm can seriously throw your whole routine Read more about When Your Partner Gets A New Job[…]
Gratitude Is An Investment (2/5/2019) - Gratitude is a powerful way to invest in your future — in what you want to see in the world. When I see clients with mind that is gracious and a heart that is giving, I notice that they are able to adjust stressful mindsets, and even mental health issues like anxiety and depression, much more quickly. When someone is focused Read more about Gratitude Is An Investment[…]
Visioneering Could Save Your Relationship (10/26/2018) - Have you and your significant other ever come up against a decision that was nearly impossible to agree on — because you each have differing views of what your future could look like? This happens to almost every couple at least once in their relationship; sometimes it’s a frequent occurrence. That’s why we designed our Visioneering retreat — to help Read more about Visioneering Could Save Your Relationship[…]


Heath and well being during the COVID-19 Pandemic


PLEASE CALL 503-869-8108

During this time of uncertainty and the world feeling upside down, we want you to know we are here for you.

Anxiety, depression, PTSD, and relational triggers are at an all-time high!

Anxiety is out of control. When we hear so much bad news and we have no idea when this pandemic will begin to reverse, it can rattle even the calmest among us, but for people who already struggle with anxiety, it can be crippling. Whether you are new to the emotion or it is an old bedfellow, talking to someone and finding ways to cope and move forward can be incredibly helpful.

Depression is also something that is normal when we stop all normal activities, find ourselves homeschooling our kids, working from home, in isolation, or are grieving the loss of a job, loss of your health, or worse yet, loss of a loved one. Maybe you feel like you shouldn’t be depressed because you haven’t had a “major” loss, but instead, you are feeling low and out of sorts because you couldn’t go on your vacation, throw your child a birthday party, or attend Easter services. We’re here to tell you, if you are a human on planet earth, at this moment in time, you have a reason to be depressed.

If you suffer from PTSD in any form, you are probably being triggered a great deal right now. Many people are feeling triggers that are elusive. You may not even understand why you feel these triggers that cause any number of symptoms from anxiety, to panic attacks to physical issues. This is understandable. Everywhere you turn you hear of life-threatening illness, death, and loss of every kind.

Relationship distress is also a big issue right now. How could it not be? We are all working from home, navigating uncharted territory on every front and there is no end in sight.

You know you need help. You want to talk to someone, but how do you get these services when you are practicing social distancing? Online therapy, that is how we can help. Whether you need individual therapy, couples or help with your whole family, we are here for you.

We understand online therapy is different than seeing your therapist in person! However, there is some research that has found we are able to connect at a very deep level through online therapy. Not every problem is best served through online therapy. We will talk with you and assess if it is a viable option for you.

Please call us today. Whether you have insurance or not, we will do everything we can to get you the help you need.

We have several platforms to do online therapy.  Please reach out to us today.

We are here to ease your stress and give you tools to manage during this unprecedented time.