Relationship Conflicts

No one goes into a marriage relationship with the desire to hurt one another or believe this is a trial relationship. When we begin a relationship, we commit to grow together, to dream of what can be and try our hardest to please each other just like when we first started dating. But we all carry baggage from our past and have unmet expectations that we didn’t even know we had. We heap expectations on the other person which they can’t begin to fulfill, usually because we don’t communicate or even consciously know about. It is time to step off the crazy cycle, as Emerson Eggerichs would say, and just admit you don’t feel loved or respected. Questions genuinely asked like, “What have I done to make you feel unloved or not respected?” go a long way in rebuilding trust and connection. As we take partial ownership of this conflict we can begin to move in a positive direction.

Relationship Recovery Protocol

Our hope is to give you the best help possible. We at Core Values Couples believe your relationship is worth a great deal. Especially if you are in a rut of relational despair, your relationship is worth the time, effort and financial support it needs to improve. Healing takes work and commitment. Many couples don’t understand this until it is too late. We have a protocol we believe will transform your relationship. We are up front with you. Each step is vital, and it will take a considerable amount of time to complete. We hope you will take a journey of healing to rebuild your relationship and expect the best future possible.

Protocol for Couples wishing to work with Core Values Counseling.

  1. Couples take CVC Relational Assessment Free, take the full version of the Core Values Index (CVI), and intake forms filled out before our first appointment.
  2. First Appointment: Intake with Sabrina and Eric Walters together.
  3. Couples take Gottman Assessment (by email invitation from Sabrina).
  4. Both individuals have separate counseling appointments with Sabrina to gather background history.
  5. The couple has a 4th appointment with both Sabrina and Eric, in which we go over Gottman Relationship Assessment and map out a plan for future work.
  6. The couple meets with Eric to do an unpacking of the CVI and create awareness of how each other is wired.
  7. Counseling appointments are held rebuild attachment, teach attunement to each other through Gottman and Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT).
  8. Coaching appointments are held to work on present and future attuning to spouse and children as needed. Other topics may include finances and creating enjoyment in your relationship.
  9. Conferences are attended by the couple over the next year to continue to practice the skills learned in therapy and deepen re-attachment. The retreats are as follows:  A) Enticing Love to move into a deeper understanding of each other and developing a vision for their lives and marriage. B) Enticing Intimacy explores your conflict strategies with practice on shifting your (CVI) core to communicate at a more intimate level. You will also look at all areas of your lives, and share your dreams for the future, developing ways foster your growth.
  10. We also highly recommend an Equine assisted Therapy session as a couple which we do in Newberg, Oregon.

            We offer Intensive Weekend Sessions for couples wanting to jump-start their recovery.



Couples Retreats


Couples Articles

Visioneering Could Save Your Relationship (10/26/2018) - Have you and your significant other ever come up against a decision that was nearly impossible to agree on — because you each have differing views of what your future could look like? This happens to almost every couple at least once in their relationship; sometimes it’s a frequent occurrence. That’s why we designed our Visioneering retreat — to help[...]
Harsh Startup Vs. Soft Startup (10/16/2018) - Did you know that if you have bulbs in your garden, you’re supposed to pull them out every fall — and replant them in the spring? If you leave them in the ground, they just grow into bulb clusters and eventually stop flowering altogether. There’s a lesson for relationships in this (of course there is, right?). Sometimes,[...]
How To Deal When Your Partner Has More Vacay Than You (9/1/2018) - Many of you are aware that Eric is still a teacher, and therefore essentially has two and a half months off every summer. Me, I’m a therapist and don’t get time off unless I take it. There can be a lot of benefits to this system — I get a house-husband for a while and can put him[...]
Preparing Your Relationship For A Medical Crisis (8/29/2018) - If you, your partner or child, a parent or other immediate family member, becomes diagnosed with a long-term illness, gets severely injured, or faces some other medical crisis, it will obviously affect your relationship. We know this, and yet we don’t like to spend much time planning for that possibility. The thing is: Life is long. If you’re with[...]
What To Do When You Suspect Your Partner (8/13/2018) - As we discussed on our blog from last week, social media can provide a temptation to the best of us. But what do you do if you suspect that your partner has already made those connections? This can be a horrible feeling. But, first of all, resist the urge to try and ‘catch them out.’ This is your partner, not your[...]
lack of communication For When You Don’t Feel Appreciated (11/28/2017) - We’ve been talking a lot recently about gratitude, and expressing appreciation for your partner. Appreciation can be especially hard when you don’t feel that gratitude in return — when you just feel taken for granted, especially if you’ve been making an such an effort to be loving! That feeling is one of the worst. And,[...]
Thanksgiving Practicing Gratitude (11/22/2017) - As we get ready for one of my favorite holiday, I’m reminded of the value of gratitude in your relationships.  According to Gottman research, the most successful way to turn around contempt in your relationship is with intentional appreciation. But if you’re having a stressful time with your partner, it can be hard to even know where[...]
relationship stress Refiguring Your Partner’s Identity (8/1/2017) - A lot of times when a relationship goes through a big reveal — someone had an affair years ago, or they’re addicted to some substance — it can feel like your partner is suddenly a completely different person. How could this person you thought you knew so well have such a secret? And how can[...]
Facing The Here & Now (2/25/2016) - Today as I finished my book review for “The Prophetic Imagination,” I was able to share some of my insights with my son, Thomas, who happens to relate deeply to the idea of the ‘prophetic.’ To be honest, this was not an easy read for me — but as I read back through all my[...]
Don’t Forget To ASK (2/25/2016) - These past few weeks Eric and I have been assessing our community by ASKING others what they see happening that is good, where the needs are and what breaks their hearts for relationships. It’s a cold-call process that’s part of our doctoral study, and it’s been fascinating. But the most unexpected aspect is how it’s[...]