August 17, 2017

Couples Counseling

No one goes into a marriage relationship with the desire to hurt one another or believe this is a trial relationship. When we begin a relationship, we commit to grow together, to dream of what can be and try our hardest to please each other just like when we first started dating. But we all carry baggage from our past and have unmet expectations that we didn’t even know we had. We heap expectations on the other person which they can’t begin to fulfill, usually because we don’t communicate or even consciously know about. It is time to step off the crazy cycle, as Emerson Eggerichs would say, and just admit you don’t feel loved or respected. Questions genuinely asked like, “What have I done to make you feel unloved or not respected?” go a long way in rebuilding trust and connection. As we take partial ownership of this conflict we can begin to move in a positive direction.

Couple’s Counseling Protocol

Our hope is to give you the best help possible. We at Core Values Couples believe your relationship is worth a great deal. Especially if you are in a rut of relational despair, your relationship is worth the time, effort and financial support it needs to improve. Healing takes work and commitment. Many couples don’t understand this until it is too late. We have a protocol we believe will transform your relationship. We are up front with you. Each step is vital, and it will take a considerable amount of time to complete. We hope you will embark on the journey of healing to rebuild your relationship and expect the best future possible.

Protocol for Couples wishing to work with Core Values Counseling.

  1. Couples take CVC Relational Assessment Free, take the full version of the Core Values Index (CVI), and intake forms filled out before our first appointment.
  2. First Appointment: Intake with Sabrina and Eric Walters together.
  3. Couples take Gottman Assessment (by email invitation from Sabrina).
  4. Both individuals have separate counseling appointments with Sabrina to gather background history.
  5. The couple has a 4th appointment with both Sabrina and Eric, in which we go over Gottman Relationship Assessment and map out a plan for future work.
  6. The couple meets with Eric to do an unpacking of the CVI and create awareness of how each other is wired.
  7. Counseling appointments are held to rebuild attachment, teach attunement to each other through Gottman and Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT).
  8. Coaching appointments are held to work on present and future attuning to spouse and children as needed. Other topics may include finances and creating enjoyment in your relationship.
  9. Conferences are attended by the couple over the next year to continue to practice the skills learned in therapy and deepen re-attachment. The retreats are as follows:  A) Enticing Love to move into a deeper understanding of each other and developing a vision for their lives and marriage. B) Enticing Intimacy explores your conflict strategies with practice on shifting your (CVI) core to communicate at a more intimate level. You will also look at all areas of your lives, and share your dreams for the future, developing ways to foster your growth.
  10. We also highly recommend an Equine-assisted Therapy session as a couple which we do in Newberg, Oregon.

Insurance and Cost information:

Insurance typically doesn’t cover couples therapy. If one person has a diagnosis, insurance can be billed for part of the sessions, however, using the best practice of Gottman Couples Method Therapy, it is required to do 80-minute session and insurance only pays for 45-50 min sessions and require a diagnosis to bill them.

 

            We offer Intensive Weekend Sessions for couples wanting to jump-start their recovery.

 


 


Couples Retreats

 

Couples Articles

Contempt: The Deadliest of the Four Horsemen (2/5/2019) - When things have really deteriorated in your relationship, a peculiar phenomenon can occur. You start to reside in what’s known as ‘negative sentiment override,’ which basically means you start to believe that your partner only thinks negatively of you. You believe that whatever they say is tinged with contempt of you — and you return that contempt in kind. The Gottmans have discovered Read more about Contempt: The Deadliest of the Four Horsemen[…]
How to Talk About Polarizing Topics with Your Partner (2/5/2019) - Sometimes, when we are incredibly passionate about a particular topic, it feels like life or death if our partner doesn’t agree. How can we have a positive interaction with a loved one when we disagree so firmly on an important issue? The greatest and most important challenge here is separating the topic from the person you’re talking to. It’s easy Read more about How to Talk About Polarizing Topics with Your Partner[…]
When Your Partner Gets A New Job (2/5/2019) - The holidays and the new year bring lots of chances for reflection — and lots of opportunities for change. One of the biggest changes we experience? A job change. And facing one during this time of year can be tough. If you or your partner started a new job this year, the new rhythm can seriously throw your whole routine Read more about When Your Partner Gets A New Job[…]
Gratitude Is An Investment (2/5/2019) - Gratitude is a powerful way to invest in your future — in what you want to see in the world. When I see clients with mind that is gracious and a heart that is giving, I notice that they are able to adjust stressful mindsets, and even mental health issues like anxiety and depression, much more quickly. When someone is focused Read more about Gratitude Is An Investment[…]
Visioneering Could Save Your Relationship (10/26/2018) - Have you and your significant other ever come up against a decision that was nearly impossible to agree on — because you each have differing views of what your future could look like? This happens to almost every couple at least once in their relationship; sometimes it’s a frequent occurrence. That’s why we designed our Visioneering retreat — to help Read more about Visioneering Could Save Your Relationship[…]
Harsh Startup Vs. Soft Startup (10/16/2018) - Did you know that if you have bulbs in your garden, you’re supposed to pull them out every fall — and replant them in the spring? If you leave them in the ground, they just grow into bulb clusters and eventually stop flowering altogether. There’s a lesson for relationships in this (of course there is, right?). Sometimes, Read more about Harsh Startup Vs. Soft Startup[…]
How To Deal When Your Partner Has More Vacay Than You (9/1/2018) - Many of you are aware that Eric is still a teacher, and therefore essentially has two and a half months off every summer. Me, I’m a therapist and don’t get time off unless I take it. There can be a lot of benefits to this system — I get a house-husband for a while and can put him Read more about How To Deal When Your Partner Has More Vacay Than You[…]
Preparing Your Relationship For A Medical Crisis (8/29/2018) - If you, your partner or child, a parent or other immediate family member, becomes diagnosed with a long-term illness, gets severely injured, or faces some other medical crisis, it will obviously affect your relationship. We know this, and yet we don’t like to spend much time planning for that possibility. The thing is: Life is long. If you’re with Read more about Preparing Your Relationship For A Medical Crisis[…]
What To Do When You Suspect Your Partner (8/13/2018) - As we discussed on our blog from last week, social media can provide a temptation to the best of us. But what do you do if you suspect that your partner has already made those connections? This can be a horrible feeling. But, first of all, resist the urge to try and ‘catch them out.’ This is your partner, not your Read more about What To Do When You Suspect Your Partner[…]
lack of communication For When You Don’t Feel Appreciated (11/28/2017) - We’ve been talking a lot recently about gratitude, and expressing appreciation for your partner. Appreciation can be especially hard when you don’t feel that gratitude in return — when you just feel taken for granted, especially if you’ve been making an such an effort to be loving! That feeling is one of the worst. And, Read more about For When You Don’t Feel Appreciated[…]