We’ve been talking a lot recently about gratitude, and expressing appreciation for your partner. Appreciation can be especially hard when you don’t feel that gratitude in return — when you just feel taken for granted, especially if you’ve been making an such an effort to be loving! That feeling is one of the worst. And, to be honest, it makes it so tempting to lash out, doesn’t it? But we have to remind ourselves (I know I do) that lashing out will only build more distance. Dealing with issues like this takes serious courage: courage to be vulnerable instead of angry. If you’re feeling under appreciated, just talk about it.
Tell your partner in a gentle, soft voice what you need — try not to snap or yell when you’re explaining this. Don’t doubt yourself, either, though — your needs are valid. This is not being ‘needy,’ this is building a positive environment in your relationship, a space where you both can share your real thoughts. Building that takes intentional effort, but it is so worth it. Try sharing something like, “Lately, I’ve felt like what I do is minimized, not taken seriously, and not acknowledged. When I do the things I do, I need to know that you are taking my needs to heart. I need to feel some more appreciation.” Ask for what you need — which is a little acknowledgement. Then give them grace and space to adjust accordingly.
And if you’re having a hard time expressing this, take our free relationship assessment to find out where you and your partner can best grow. Your relationship is worth the effort!