Recovering From An Affair

As a counselor and a coach, Sabrina and I are often asked, “How long will these feelings of hurt last?” That’s a tough question to answer. We offer a lot of resources for just that, and we also refer many couples to as another great source of counseling and classes through this process. provides a timeline that looks something like this: screen-shot-2016-09-15-at-11-10-49-am


However, that’s just a rough guideline. Your individual recovery will probably depend on two things: first, it will depend on your choices. Will you be passive or active in your recovery? Secondly, it will depend on your inherent personality: how you are wired.

My personal experience was that of passive affair recovery. Understanding my own wiring through Core Values Index (CVI), I now realize I am a person who processes things internally, which means I will naturally be more passive. What I mean by passive recovery is that I will not want to actively engage in dealing with our problems, I will want to run to my cave and hide. We only went to a few counseling appointments after my wife shared the news of her affair. Unfortunately, we didn’t do much in therapy except learn what she needed from me, explore how we needed to share, react to what was shared, and become more aware of certain practical situations moving forward. Because of this passive approach, it took me a full five or so years to feel close with her again and to trust her. We really needed the active approach! We needed someone to come alongside us, to show us pitfalls, and how to intentionally recover. I’m so grateful for the healing we have, but looking back now I know we could have had a much healthier and quicker recovery if we’d had that intentionality at the outset.

Here at Core Values Couples, we want to be a resource for your relationships. We have marriage intensives for couples on the brink of divorce, or separated because of affairs or other barriers in their relationship. We also have retreats for couples who might not have a specific barrier to overcome, but who desire to grow more intimately in their relationship. Check out our upcoming workshops, or email us any time if you’re struggling and need support. Relationships are work, but they’re the greatest work you’ll ever do — and we’re here to help.

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Heath and well being during the COVID-19 Pandemic


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During this time of uncertainty and the world feeling upside down, we want you to know we are here for you.

Anxiety, depression, PTSD, and relational triggers are at an all-time high!

Anxiety is out of control. When we hear so much bad news and we have no idea when this pandemic will begin to reverse, it can rattle even the calmest among us, but for people who already struggle with anxiety, it can be crippling. Whether you are new to the emotion or it is an old bedfellow, talking to someone and finding ways to cope and move forward can be incredibly helpful.

Depression is also something that is normal when we stop all normal activities, find ourselves homeschooling our kids, working from home, in isolation, or are grieving the loss of a job, loss of your health, or worse yet, loss of a loved one. Maybe you feel like you shouldn’t be depressed because you haven’t had a “major” loss, but instead, you are feeling low and out of sorts because you couldn’t go on your vacation, throw your child a birthday party, or attend Easter services. We’re here to tell you, if you are a human on planet earth, at this moment in time, you have a reason to be depressed.

If you suffer from PTSD in any form, you are probably being triggered a great deal right now. Many people are feeling triggers that are elusive. You may not even understand why you feel these triggers that cause any number of symptoms from anxiety, to panic attacks to physical issues. This is understandable. Everywhere you turn you hear of life-threatening illness, death, and loss of every kind.

Relationship distress is also a big issue right now. How could it not be? We are all working from home, navigating uncharted territory on every front and there is no end in sight.

You know you need help. You want to talk to someone, but how do you get these services when you are practicing social distancing? Online therapy, that is how we can help. Whether you need individual therapy, couples or help with your whole family, we are here for you.

We understand online therapy is different than seeing your therapist in person! However, there is some research that has found we are able to connect at a very deep level through online therapy. Not every problem is best served through online therapy. We will talk with you and assess if it is a viable option for you.

Please call us today. Whether you have insurance or not, we will do everything we can to get you the help you need.

We have several platforms to do online therapy.  Please reach out to us today.

We are here to ease your stress and give you tools to manage during this unprecedented time.