Here’s a question: if you could script something for your partner to say to you, what would that sound like? Is there something you want — even need — to hearfrom them? What would you just love for them to say to you, right here, right now?
Even for healthy relationships, there can often be something that goes unsaid for any number of reasons. Perhaps it’s an insecurity you have and you‘d just like some reassurance — but your partner doesn’t necessarily think of it, because they don’t always see that insecurity. Or perhaps there’s a ‘thank-you‘ you‘ve been craving, or perhaps you just would love to hear ‘I love you‘ said a different way. What is it that you would love to hear from your partner?
Now comes the challenge. Why not tell your partner this exactly? I know ideally we’d love for our partner to just know what to say, but until we develop mind-reading powers, that probably won’t happen. Why not share it with them, and help both of you out? For some of us, writing it out might come easier. Maybe share it over dinner, or as you go to bed. Take a deep breath, and be careful to share it as a gentle request, not an attack or demand. Remember, they might have a simple and clear reason why they haven’t said this — they don’t know you need it.
But lovingly and gently letting them know that hearing this from them would mean the world to you can open doors you never even knew were closed. This isn’t just a request; it’s an act of generosity on your part. Really! You are giving them the opportunity to respond with enthusiastic love. And from that place, you can also ask them the same question — what do they need to hear from you?
This challenge can spur deeper intimacy and closeness, or even a discussion that you didn’t know you both needed to have. It can help you both get to know each other in a way you didn’t know you still were able to! But no matter what happens, in my experience, as long as you approach it with humility, gentleness, and love, you will come out the other side with a deeper and more positive connection with your partner.
Do you dare?