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This last week as I was doing another interview for our doctoral studies, I spoke with our mentor, Dr. David Manock. He is an expert in the area of relationships and neurobiology as well as intersubjectivity psychodynamic analysis. That’s a mouthful, right? But it is incredibly fascinating how relationships affect our neurobiology!

As we talked, he reminded me of the importance of relationships in our everyday life–a topic that can seem about as complicated as rocket science. But it’s actually pretty simple. He told me that, “we are live-wired (not hard wired) for relationship.” That means the (live) circuitry is able to be changed! And do you know what can change it?

Our interactions with each other.

What a hopeful way of looking at our brains and relationship! We really are capable of change, and that change comes from our interactions with one another. Even taking a moment to think of the way in which we interact, that mere thought can actually begin to rewire us for a more positive (or negative) way of being in relationship. How encouraging!

The great thing about my job is I get to see this “live-wiring” happen right in front of me! As I worked with several couples today, I was stunned by the way in which they are really changing. I’m ever impressed with the courage and willingness of these couples to step into the difficult conversations and learn each other well. Using the tools of emotionally Focused Therapy and Gottman Therapy, mixed with what we know about interpersonal neurobiology,these people are rewiring their minds–they are changing the way they interact and are now reaching for a better relationship.

What are you doing to improve your neurobiological LiveWiring? What are you doing to change your brain and improve your relationship?