Ay, There’s The Rub: Core Values & Conflict

“Whenever you are in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make a difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is ATTITUDE.” These wise words by William James, the famous American philosopher, are the perfect place to start talking about conflict. When we look at our Core Values, we begin to understand why[…]

Are You and Your Partner Compatible?

This is a question so many couples ask us when they come to our conferences, or enter into counseling, is: “If our Core Values are so different, how can we be compatible?” But the fact of the matter is compatibility has nothing to do with whether your Core Values are the same. Compatibility is much[…]

TED Talk

What Your Relationship Means To Your Children

This Ted talk speaks to a very important issue: how childhood trauma affects children throughout their lifetime. What so many people don’t understand is the damage we do to our own children when we don’t directly deal with our own issues. Whether it’s addiction, our own childhood trauma, or the inability to deal with stress[…]

Why “We Never Fight” Is A Bad Sign

We’ve all heard someone say it — we might have said it ourselves at some point: “We’re perfect together. We never fight!” But when someone says that to me, it’s a big red flag. You never fight? Really? First of all, unless you’ve been dating for less than a week, I’m not sure I believe you.[…]

Expectations Vs. Hope

Expectations. As you hear this word in your mind, what does it conjure for you? For me, it brings up feelings that aren’t really that positive. Honestly, it just reminds me how much I fear disappointment. It’s a slippery slope, isn’t it? On one hand, there is something wonderful about the anticipation of what’s to come —[…]

Surviving An Affair Means: Taking Responsibility

Yesterday, I posted this video to our Facebook page about how some couples are able to survive affairs others aren’t. The professor they interviewed hit the nail on the head: getting through infidelity, together, is all about taking responsibility. Part of that is allowing the hurt partner the chance to heal by being truly transparent, vulnerable, honest. No blame of any kind[…]

Escape the Negative Cycle

When couples don’t see eye to eye, it’s easy to take offense, get defensive, shut down, put up walls, or even jump to worst case scenarios. Believe me, we all fall into one or more of these traps–even great marriages can slip into these negative cycles. They are our natural, human tendency, even though we know we need[…]

Don’t Forget To ASK

These past few weeks Eric and I have been assessing our community by ASKING others what they see happening that is good, where the needs are and what breaks their hearts for relationships. It’s a cold-call process that’s part of our doctoral study, and it’s been fascinating. But the most unexpected aspect is how it’s[…]

Becoming Friends With Resistance…

When we feel that guttural urge to resist a suggestion, it often comes with a lot of discomfort. We don’t like the suggestion. We don’t want to do this. We might feel guilty about it, bringing even more resistance. That’s what happens with me when Eric wants me to budget better. Yes, this continues to[…]