Relationship Conflicts

No one goes into a marriage relationship with the desire to hurt one another or believe this is a trial relationship. When we begin a relationship, we commit to grow together, to dream of what can be and try our hardest to please each other just like when we first started dating. But we all carry baggage from our past and have unmet expectations that we didn’t even know we had. We heap expectations on the other person which they can’t begin to fulfill, usually because we don’t communicate or even consciously know about. It is time to step off the crazy cycle, as Emerson Eggerichs would say, and just admit you don’t feel loved or respected. Questions genuinely asked like, “What have I done to make you feel unloved or not respected?” go a long way in rebuilding trust and connection. As we take partial ownership of this conflict we can begin to move in a positive direction.

Relationship Recovery Protocol

Our hope is to give you the best help possible. We at Core Values Couples believe your relationship is worth a great deal. Especially if you are in a rut of relational despair, your relationship is worth the time, effort and financial support it needs to improve. Healing takes work and commitment. Many couples don’t understand this until it is too late. We have a protocol we believe will transform your relationship. We are up front with you. Each step is vital, and it will take a considerable amount of time to complete. We hope you will take a journey of healing to rebuild your relationship and expect the best future possible.

Protocol for Couples wishing to work with Core Values Counseling.

  1. Couples take CVC Relational Assessment Free, take the full version of the Core Values Index (CVI),, and intake forms filled out before our first appointment.
  2. First Appointment: Intake with Sabrina and Eric Walters together.
  3. Couples take Gottman Assessment (by email invitation from Sabrina).
  4. Both individuals have separate counseling appointments with Sabrina to gather background history.
  5. The couple has a 4th appointment with both Sabrina and Eric, in which we go over Gottman Relationship Assessment and map out a plan for future work.
  6. The couple meets with Eric to do an unpacking of the CVI and create awareness of how each other is wired.
  7. Counseling appointments are held rebuild attachment, teach attunement to each other through Gottman and Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT).
  8. Coaching appointments are held to work on present and future attuning to spouse and children as needed. Other topics may include finances and creating enjoyment in your relationship.
  9. Conferences are attended by the couple over the next year to continue to practice the skills learned in therapy and deepen re-attachment. The retreats are as follows:  A) Enticing Love to move into a deeper understanding of each other and developing a vision for their lives and marriage. B) Enticing Intimacy explores your conflict strategies with practice on shifting your (CVI) core to communicate at a more intimate level. You will also look at all areas of your lives, and share your dreams for the future, developing ways foster your growth.
  10. We also highly recommend an Equine assisted Therapy session as a couple which we do in Newberg, Oregon.

            We offer Intensive Weekend Sessions for couples wanting to jump-start their recovery.

 


 


Couples Retreats

 

Couples Articles

lack of communication For When You Don’t Feel Appreciated (11/28/2017) - We’ve been talking a lot recently about gratitude, and expressing appreciation for your partner. Appreciation can be especially hard when you don’t feel that gratitude in return — when you just feel taken for granted, especially if you’ve been making an such an effort to be loving! That feeling is one of the worst. And,[...]
Thanksgiving Practicing Gratitude (11/22/2017) - As we get ready for one of my favorite holiday, I’m reminded of the value of gratitude in your relationships.  According to Gottman research, the most successful way to turn around contempt in your relationship is with intentional appreciation. But if you’re having a stressful time with your partner, it can be hard to even know where[...]
relationship stress Refiguring Your Partner’s Identity (8/1/2017) - A lot of times when a relationship goes through a big reveal — someone had an affair years ago, or they’re addicted to some substance — it can feel like your partner is suddenly a completely different person. How could this person you thought you knew so well have such a secret? And how can[...]
Facing The Here & Now (2/25/2016) - Today as I finished my book review for “The Prophetic Imagination,” I was able to share some of my insights with my son, Thomas, who happens to relate deeply to the idea of the ‘prophetic.’ To be honest, this was not an easy read for me — but as I read back through all my[...]
Don’t Forget To ASK (2/25/2016) - These past few weeks Eric and I have been assessing our community by ASKING others what they see happening that is good, where the needs are and what breaks their hearts for relationships. It’s a cold-call process that’s part of our doctoral study, and it’s been fascinating. But the most unexpected aspect is how it’s[...]
Healing Together (12/18/2015) - How can our own wounds, despite being painful, become powerful healing compounds to our relationship? It’s kind of mysterious how this works. Shared pain is actually a way to mobilization. Moving through the pain of the wound together is a way to not only support each other, but to help you both see that you are in[...]
How Does A Relationship Fall Apart? (12/18/2015) - Have you ever wondered how a once healthy and vital relationship can hit the skids? We all know it doesn’t happen overnight, but do we know how it begins to erode away? Of course, it can happen in a million different ways, but the most significant one I’ve noticed in my practice is a lack of[...]
The Issue of Money (11/10/2015) - Money and Stress can go hand in hand. What we do with our finances speaks to what we value in life, what we have been taught about handling money and how we communicate/work with our spouse on financial issues. Many times we just have unshared expectations about how money should be used; or maybe we[...]
Enticing Love Couples Retreat (9/12/2015) - March 25, 2016 – February 27, 2016 | Register Description: Date: Friday Feb. 19th to Saturday Feb. 20th, 2016 Schedule Friday: starting at 6pm, lasting until 9pm Saturday: 9am finishing at 5pm Have you ever wished you could see into the heart of your lover’s soul, or that they could understand you at your core?[...]
Get Some Sleep! (8/5/2014) - New Research: Get Some Sleep. As a couple, Eric and I have always heard it said: “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger!” This is one of those quotes from the bible that most people (Christians or not) truly believe will help assure that they have a happy marriage. Going to bed angry[...]