holidays

The Question Game: Holiday Edition!

Have you had an open-ended conversation with your partner about what you expect from the holidays? This is a conversation so many couples skip, and in doing so both sides tend to make assumptions that can cause stress and conflict down the line. What are your hopes and expectations for the holiday season? How can[…]

gratitude

Expressing Gratitude

Last week, we talked about practicing gratitude for your loved one by tuning your heart to appreciation. But what about when it comes to expressing that gratitude? Being able to express gratitude and appreciation is the next step in this process, and a pretty important step for your relationship! Expressing gratitude doesn’t have to be verbal, either. This is[…]

Thanksgiving

Practicing Gratitude

As we get ready for one of my favorite holiday, I’m reminded of the value of gratitude in your relationships.  According to Gottman research, the most successful way to turn around contempt in your relationship is with intentional appreciation. But if you’re having a stressful time with your partner, it can be hard to even know where[…]

relationship apps

Practicing Your Emotional Intelligence

One thing I’ve noticed lately is that people who are not merchants in their first, second, or even third level, who have a really low CVI number for that quadrant — they have a hard time connecting with their partners. Oftentimes they’re the practical people; that’s their contribution, being incredibly practical and cognitive. But it often leaves them having more difficulty connecting[…]

Fourth of July

Rituals of Connection

Since we’re on a streak this month with Gottman methodology (I just got certified, and I am loving it — can you tell?) let’s talk about rituals of connection. In our busy day and age, a lot of more traditional rituals of connection get lost in the bustle. Personally, I love holidays; I love setting[…]

Gottman Love Mapping

Why Love Mapping?

Remember that Gottman Relationship house? Well, the very first floor of the relationship house in Gottman is something called “love mapping.” Have you heard of it? Love mapping is an intentional check-in to really make sure you know your partner deeply. It’s kind of like body mapping: If you understand how your body works, you[…]

CVI; negative self; counseling

When You’re Stuck In Your Negative Self

If you know your Core Values, you know that every value has a unique negative side: that unhealthy strategy you slip into when you’re faced with a particularly uncomfortable conflict. Recently, at our Enticing Intimacy workshop, I was reminded how easily and unknowingly that strategy can take over. When we’re feeling defensive and vulnerable, we might not[…]

Don’t Forget To ASK

These past few weeks Eric and I have been assessing our community by ASKING others what they see happening that is good, where the needs are and what breaks their hearts for relationships. It’s a cold-call process that’s part of our doctoral study, and it’s been fascinating. But the most unexpected aspect is how it’s[…]

How to Avoid The Toxic Cycle of Thought!

I did not want to bother with the resolution this year. Instead, I am taking time to focus and tune into what I want 2016 to be about. I want it to be about change…BIG change! And so far, so good, because this week…Eric and I start our doctoral work. YES! No resolution…just a doctorate.[…]

Healing Together

How can our own wounds, despite being painful, become powerful healing compounds to our relationship? It’s kind of mysterious how this works. Shared pain is actually a way to mobilization. Moving through the pain of the wound together is a way to not only support each other, but to help you both see that you are in[…]