CVI; negative self; counseling

When You’re Stuck In Your Negative Self

If you know your Core Values, you know that every value has a unique negative side: that unhealthy strategy you slip into when you’re faced with a particularly uncomfortable conflict. Recently, at our Enticing Intimacy workshop, I was reminded how easily and unknowingly that strategy can take over. When we’re feeling defensive and vulnerable, we might not[…]

core values; flowers; flourishing

Flourishing In Your Full Potential

If you’ve taken the Core Values Index, you know that we all have a primary value and a secondary value. For example, I am primarily a Merchant, the quadrant which values Love. I am secondarily an Innovator, which values Wisdom. Some people’s top two are pretty evenly matched; they can switch between the two of them easily. Most[…]

Ay, There’s The Rub: Core Values & Conflict

“Whenever you are in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make a difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is ATTITUDE.” These wise words by William James, the famous American philosopher, are the perfect place to start talking about conflict. When we look at our Core Values, we begin to understand why[…]

dancing, relationships, couples counseling

Dancing Cheek To Cheek!

When our first son got engaged, Eric and I started taking dance classes. At the time, our only goal was not to embarrass ourselves at our children’s weddings! But, you might not be surprised to hear, it actually transformed our relationship in some surprising ways. I learned to close my eyes as Eric led me, and that[…]

Are You and Your Partner Compatible?

This is a question so many couples ask us when they come to our conferences, or enter into counseling, is: “If our Core Values are so different, how can we be compatible?” But the fact of the matter is compatibility has nothing to do with whether your Core Values are the same. Compatibility is much[…]

TED Talk

What Your Relationship Means To Your Children

This Ted talk speaks to a very important issue: how childhood trauma affects children throughout their lifetime. What so many people don’t understand is the damage we do to our own children when we don’t directly deal with our own issues. Whether it’s addiction, our own childhood trauma, or the inability to deal with stress[…]

Why “We Never Fight” Is A Bad Sign

We’ve all heard someone say it — we might have said it ourselves at some point: “We’re perfect together. We never fight!” But when someone says that to me, it’s a big red flag. You never fight? Really? First of all, unless you’ve been dating for less than a week, I’m not sure I believe you.[…]

The Addiction Of Love

The part of the brain that gets triggered by cocaine is the same place we get triggered by romantic love. The difference being, of course, that you get to come down from cocaine — but you can’t come down from romantic love too easily. As this Ted Talk explains (take the fifteen minutes to watch it), Romantic[…]