If you’ve noticed that your Core Values Index has a particularly high Community rating, you are someone who knows people deeply. You build many meaningful, powerful friendships, some of which go back quite a long time. But your struggle can come in knowing how to invest your time. You want to be there for everyone, all the time, and it can be highly stressful to face your own limitations: you don’t have an infinite well of time or energy. You don’t like surface-only friendships; in fact, you take pride in the depth of your relationships, but you might not plan well in your zeal to try and reach everybody. This can translate to an unhealthy lack of self-care, or even a neglect of your partner, as you grow to take them for granted in favor of the many other friendships in your life.
IF THIS IS YOU: Remember to love yourself first. If you don’t, you won’t have the resources to love others as much as you know you want to. Pouring into yourself, although it feels counterintuitive, will ultimately help you manage your other relationships. This might even be a good time for a list or spreadsheet, which you tend to love. Who do you regularly spend time with? Who do you want to spend time with? How will you do that over a long period of time? Use that information to set boundaries around your time: when you can see people, when you need to be there for your partner, and when you need to be there for yourself.
IF THIS IS YOUR LOVED ONE: Have compassion on their ability and propensity for relationships. Remember that their great depth of connection is probably one of the things that first attracted you to them. Understand that they are not excluding you; they do care deeply for you. But you may need to ask specifically for what you need. If you’re feeling slighted or left out, kindly, gently, softly, ask for more time — ask to be scheduled into their day, and don’t be offended if they get out their spreadsheet. Celebrate their ability to love so many people so deeply, and know that they love you more deeply than you will ever know.
If you’re not sure where you stand on the scale — Are you more community-centered, or independent? — take ten minutes to take our free assessment: The Core Values Index.